community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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