You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
