i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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