we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize