So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
