My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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