I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do vagina's smell?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
