If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize