yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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