did you get engaged???
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
