I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
