Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
