she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
