would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize