You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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