I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
