Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
