I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
