the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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