Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize