Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
