can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
