She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
