My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We're too hungover to prance.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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