theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
