Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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