I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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