Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
