she takes plan B like it's going out of style
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize