I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
