I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
