Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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