I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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