I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
