one two three fourrrrnication!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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