I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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