Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
