Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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