Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
