i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
