My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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