I wannas sexs uuuuu
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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