just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
