I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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