You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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