FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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