I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's blow job season.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
