I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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