This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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