But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
