I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How does one acquire holy water?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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