Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
