And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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