The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize