She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
