Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
