Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
