so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
