I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
