No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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