you mean i was at the winter classic?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
