Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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