No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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