Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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