meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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