The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
