Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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