I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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