One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
