I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please don't give away my fajitas
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
