Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
