Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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