can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
