I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize