I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
