Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
