You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
