Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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