Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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