I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
