you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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