I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
