Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
