new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
