What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
